Screaming in Cathedrals
by heyjupiter
Summary: Kurt returns to Germany, but he and Ororo still keep in touch. Not a very interesting summary, I'll admit. It loses a lot in the condensation...


Screaming in Cathedrals   
by heyjupiter/Renata of Doom (renata@frowl.org) 9/10/03   
Summary: Kurt returns to Germany, but he and Ororo still keep in touch.   
PG   
Movieverse, X2   
Archive: Sure, just let me know. renata@frowl.org   
Notes: Sort of draws on the Nightcrawler Prequel comic, but no worries if you haven't read that. It'll all be explained. Written for the Collective Words Last-Line challenge, meaning that the last line had to be... well, what it is. (Don't want to spoil the ending!) Not a songfic, although the title comes from "iieee" by Tori Amos. Please, please give feedback if you read this! I'm not afraid to beg!   
  
  
Dearest Ororo,   
  
I haven't been away from New York a full day, and already I miss you. I wanted to call you from Heathrow, but it would have been 3AM your time, and I thought you might frown on that. Besides, letters are so much more romantic, don't you think? (Even if these words of love must be conveyed on tacky Buckingham Palace postcards-- the airport shop had sadly little variety.) And now I have used nearly all of my space, so I must bid you farewell. I will write you again when I reach Frankfurt.   
  
All my love,  
Kurt   
Dearest Ororo,  
  
  
At last I have reached my destination. Frankfurt is such a beautiful city, so full of life and culture-- I wish you could have come! But no, some things I must do on my own. I will describe it to you in more detail later, the time change has had quite an adverse affect on me, I fear. I know that the best thing to do is just to stay awake until proper bedtime, to acclimate myself-- but that is such impossible advice to follow!  
  
All my love,  
(A very tired) Kurt  
  
  
Dear Kurt,  
  
I received your second postcard today. Frankfurt certainly does look beautiful. Perhaps sometime, in the future, we could take a trip there together. I hope your mission was successful. Things here are well, but we miss you. I miss you.  
  
Love,  
Ororo  
Dearest Ororo,  
  
It was amazing to see the circus again, from the audience this time! It would seem that others are amazed as well, as all performances are sold out for the rest of the week, until they return to Munich. Luckily, I have connections, so I don't think getting a seat will be a problem.   
  
Margali was so relieved to see me again. I felt regretful that I did not contact her earlier, but I also feel that the news I had to give should be delivered in person. She seemed surprised, but happy to hear that I was becoming a teacher. And then, I told her what else I was becoming. Perhaps I should not have told her about the X-Men, but I trust her. How could I not? And there is more to it, I know-- I want her to be proud of me. I fear that I place too much emphasis on worldly things-- it should not matter to me what other mortals think of me, as long as I act in ways that make my Creator proud of me.   
  
But it does matter to me...   
  
I miss you. I love you.  
  
Kurt  
Dear Kurt,  
  
I think you made the right decision to tell Margali. You need to trust your own judgment. Furthermore, you should realize that you can act in ways that make God proud and others proud. The two are not mutually exclusive. I'll write you a longer letter later, but right now I must end this-- it seems that Jubilee shorted out the refrigerator and let's just say that Bobby's attempts to help the situation were very poorly planned.   
  
Love,   
Ororo  
  
PS: I'm proud of you, too.  
Dearest Ororo,  
Thank you for your kind words, they are very nourishing to my soul. I think that I will stay a few days longer than I planned in Frankfurt. I hadn't realized how much I missed Germany. Today I visited the house Goethe was born in; it is very well restored, and I spent a lot of time just looking around, trying to imagine what it would have been like to be alive at the same time that he was. I have always loved his writing, I am looking forward to teaching it at the school. Recently, however, I was re-reading some of Yeats' poetry... he wrote it following the First World War, but it sends chills through me when I think about the war that might be coming now, the war that almost certainly might be coming… read these lines, from "The Second Coming":  
  
_ Turning and turning in the widening gyre  
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;   
Things fall apart; the center cannot hold;   
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,   
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere   
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;   
The best lack all conviction, while the worst   
Are full of passionate intensity.  
  
_ Isn't it powerful? I hope that this war between mutants and humanity does not reach such a level.  
  
All my love,  
Kurt  
Dear Kurt,  
  
I'm glad you're having a good time in Frankfurt, although I do miss you very much! Yeats is indeed amazing, I love his poetry. However, I noticed the rather melancholy tone of your letter-- has anything happened to make you more concerned about a war? Or was it just the poetry? I hope all is well with you. Call me if it isn't. And remember-- sometimes things have to fall apart before you can rebuild them.  
  
Love,  
Ororo  
Dear Ororo,   
  
Your letter was very comforting, but they make what I have to say very difficult. You see, I had another reason for returning to Germany. I wish I had been more truthful with you from the start. I have been staring at this paper for at least an hour, trying to think of words. I feel so confused right now. I am so torn. You see, before-- before I was kidnapped by Stryker, before you and Jean helped me, before I fell in love with you, before everything—there was Amanda. How can I describe Amanda? She is Margali's daughter, so she was like a sister to me. And then, one day I realized that I didn't want to be her brother any longer. I wanted to be more. But I didn't think that she could possibly feel the same about me—how could she, when she was so beautiful and I was a freak? But one day, I finally confessed my love to her. And she reciprocated! I was so happy. It was bliss-- and then I was kidnapped by William Stryker. Perhaps you have already guessed the ending to this story. Yes, my happiness with Amanda was all a part of Stryker's mind control, to make me more pliant. Amanda didn't love me after all. This, to me, was hurt worse than any physical pain, worse, even than having my body used as an assassin's tool.   
  
And then I met you. You were so different from Amanda-- beautiful, yes, but powerful, wild, unique, incredible! And that, I thought, was that. But now I am here, and Amanda is here, and I do think that she is flirting with me. I know now that it is no illusion, and I am… confused. I'm sorry.  
  
I will pray on this for a while.  
  
Love,  
Kurt  
Dear Kurt,  
I must confess that I'm not sure what to say. I am not hurt that you did not tell me about Amanda-- you are certainly not the first man I've ever been interested in, and the past is the past. I feel nothing but sorrow regarding Stryker's deception. I will understand if you choose to stay with Amanda. But I do hope that you will think about this carefully (and I know you will.)  
  
Love,  
Ororo  
Dear Ororo,  
  
Thank you for being understanding. I just don't know. The circus (and Amanda) have moved on, but I'm still here. Still thinking. I think, perhaps, my choice now is not to choose. Or rather, a third choice. I need to be alone for awhile. I am going to stay here--in Germany--for awhile. Not with Amanda. With myself.  
  
So much has happened in the last months—I have not had time to accept them all, I think.  
  
I thought I was in love with you. I am in love with you. But I saw Amanda and I just didn't know what to do.   
  
I'm sorry.  
  
Kurt  
Kurt,  
I'm trying to be sympathetic. But I have to say that I'm hurt that just seeing this girl was enough to unravel everything we had. There, I said it. I'm hurt. I know that we've talked before about how my "aloofness" intimidates you-- is that what this was about? Getting me to admit that I would be hurt if you left? Because you've succeeded.  
  
Ororo   
Ororo,  
  
I am so sorry that you misunderstood my motives. I did not want to hurt you. In fact, I wanted to do everything I could not to hurt you. Don't you see that we cannot love each other as equals until I know who I am? How can you love me, know me, when I still don't know who I am? No, I cannot return to Xavier's school yet. I will stay here, and work on my studies, and miss you, and become myself. Perhaps when that has happened, we can try to become "us" once more. Thank you for understanding, and for being you.  
  
Kurt  
Kurt,  
  
I will wait for you. I wish it didn't have to end this way. But that's okay because things always fall apart.  
  
Ororo  
-- _fin_   
  
  
  
  
  
Or is it?!   
  
I got some complaints about this being "too sad", so I wrote this:   
  
**Top Secret Epilogue to Screaming in Cathedrals:**   
  
Dear Ororo,   
  
Nevermind everything I said in the last letter. I love you, let's go shag madly. I'll be home in half an hour.   
  
Love,  
Kurt 


End file.
